Porn Triggers: How avoiding them doesn’t work and what to do instead.
If your strategy to overcome pornography viewing relies upon avoiding triggers and temptations, you are bound to fail. Let’s explore why and then discover the alternative that works so much better.
Reason #1. Triggers are unavoidable. Triggers fall into two camps, the “physical/emotional” condition triggers and the environmental triggers. You may have heard of the acronyms BLAST and HALT, commonly used to represent physical/emotional condition triggers. The underlying conditions, Bored, Lonely, Angry, Stressed, Tired and Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired are conditions and emotions that are part of life. If you live a normal life, you will experience each of these conditions and emotions somewhat regularly. Trying to avoid them is like trying to avoid life.
The second type of trigger, environmental, could have possibly been avoided 30 years ago but not now. The connected computer in your house (filters can help here), at your workplace, at the library (don’t get me started about how awful it is that public libraries allow easy porn access), in hotels and almost everywhere is a big trigger. Scantily-clad (trigger for many) people, sexual innuendo, suggestive language in videos, on television, and emanating from many other places are nearly impossible to escape. And we haven’t even touched on the biggest trigger-temptress of all, the smartphone in your pocket.
Smartphones have become essential tools for most professions. It is quickly becoming infeasible to thrive in our modern society without one. They are great tools to stay connected with each other. They let us access previously impossible resources from around the world and are a source of endless knowledge. But they’re also the source of endless porn, easily accessible and viewable anywhere with the touch of a finger. Smartphones and their tablet cousins are major triggers, even when sitting idle in your pocket.
Reason #2. Life is about overcoming challenges. Much of the purpose of life is facing and overcoming challenges, including temptations and triggers. Trials and challenges refine us, strengthen us and build our resilience. We experience joy when we overcome a challenge. If we strive to avoid life’s challenges, trials, temptations and triggers, we miss out on refinement, strength, resilience and joy.
Reason #3. Triggers don’t go away when we try to avoid them. A trigger gets stronger when avoided and looks for entry into our lives. You know from experience that avoidance, if it works at all, is only temporary.
When we consider these three reasons, we can see that trying to avoid triggers is a losing strategy.
So what do we do instead?
- Answer every trigger or temptation. When Jesus Christ was tempted to turn stones into bread, the first thing He did was “answer” the temptation (Matthew 4:4). A viewer’s natural response when tempted or triggered is to not think about it (except for a little rationalization) but to just view. The key is to interrupt the “trigger => view” process, by inserting “answer” in the middle.
When we answer the trigger or temptation, it moves from our reptilian (reaction) brain and moves to our prefrontal cortex, our logical brain. This has two effects: (1) We didn’t avoid the trigger. We followed the example of Christ and faced it directly, answering it. (2) Now that the trigger has moved to the frontal lobe, we can process it healthily instead of just reacting by viewing pornography.
How do we answer triggers and temptations? By simply stating them out loud in our minds. The answer is more effective when it’s combined with personal responsibility. For example, “I want to view” is a simple way to answer the trigger or temptation. You should state it out loud in your mind just as it came, accepting personal responsibility for it.
- Accept every trigger or temptation. As we discussed in reason #2 above, triggers and temptations are a natural and normal part of life. Without them, life’s purpose would be thwarted. We grow and progress from opposition. We can’t know the joy of overcoming if there are no triggers and temptations to overcome. The normal response from a viewer is to greet the trigger or temptation with shame: “Oh no. I must be a horrible person to want to view.” The feeling of shame leads to viewing.
Instead, reject the shame. After answering the temptation, accept it as normal by saying, “..and it’s normal to want to view” or “it’s okay to want to view.”
When triggers and temptations come, and they will come, don’t try to avoid them. That is a path to failure. Answer them and accept them every time and you’ll continue to live a loving life.
To discover the additional steps beyond answering and accepting to successfully overcome pornography, get your free copy of the Power Over Pornography book at www.freebook.poweroverpornography.com.