Power Over Pornography

How can one simple practice be the key to stopping a habit that is more addictive than cocaine (“Neurological research has revealed that the effect of internet pornography on the human brain is just as potent—if not more so—than addictive chemical substances such as cocaine or heroin.” Morgan Bennett, “The New Narcotic,” Witherspoon Institute Public Discourse, October 9, 2013)?

We’ve discovered the key and it has everything to do with your brain. It has nothing to do with willpower and doesn’t require white knuckling through temptations. Anyone can do it once they know how. It is…

Meta-consequences-cognition.

What? I know it’s a big combination of words but let me explain. Metacognition means thinking about your thinking. One of the most important components of overcoming pornography is like metacognition.

Our minds are constantly fading the knowledge, importance, and impact of the consequences of viewing porn from the front of our minds to the back. As a result, when we face a temptation to view porn, we don’t think about the consequences and end up viewing porn.

What can do we do instead? Know and review the consequences of viewing porn. A frequent review brings the real consequences back to the front of our minds. We call this review meta-consequences-cognition.

Meta-consequences-cognition has proven to be one of the most important steps in not just quitting porn, but also in preventing relapse. Whatever other steps a porn viewer takes to quit, they should include meta-consequences cognition.

“But I already know the consequences of viewing porn.”

I recently presented Power Over Pornography to a group of young adults in a Sunday School class. While I was presenting I received some push back on the meta-consequences-cognition (consequences research and review) aspect of the program: “We already know the consequences of viewing porn. We don’t need to review them.” Some of them thought this step merely produced shame without any meaningful benefits.

I know how to produce shame. I also know how damaging it is. Shame is, “I viewed, therefore I’m a bad person.” Shame leads to more viewing and is never helpful. In my book, Power Over Pornography, I deliberately recommend specific steps and actions that remove shame because of how it prevents recovery from a viewing habit.

Meta-consequences-cognition does not cause shame. It just brings the real consequences to the front of the mind, so they can be properly weighed when facing a viewing temptation. Without meta-consequences-cognition, the knowledge of, importance of, and impact of the real and damaging consequences of porn stay in the back recesses of the mind. The viewer doesn’t stand a chance when a temptation comes.

Back to the Sunday School class. The discussion on overcoming pornography was the only Sunday School class option that day, so the audience had non-viewers, viewers ready to stop, and viewers not wanting to stop. You may ask, “Why would someone not want to stop?” This is not unusual. Despite the negative consequences of viewing, when someone has tried and failed, as is the case for most viewers, they often tell themselves that they don’t want to stop. It’s easier on their ego than telling themselves they can’t stop.

There was also some pushback from those who weren’t ready to stop… yet. The discussion of real consequences was something they preferred not to hear. It is cognitively dissonant (Psychology Today defines cognitive dissonance as “a term for the state of discomfort felt when two or more modes of thought contradict each other”) to engage in behavior that is harmful. “Maybe if I ignore the harm, I can get rid of the dissonance feelings” is a common non-stated rationalization. But you and I both know that the best way to defeat rationalization is with the truth.

When viewers tell themselves they don’t want to stop viewing or they’re not quite ready to stop yet, they need to escape from the cognitive dissonance by doing some meta-consequences-cognition. You’ll see the best way to do it in a moment.

The vast majority of scientifically sound, peer-reviewed, well-structured research points to numerous negative consequences of viewing porn. Some of the consequences are enormous, including loss of spouse, inability to love another deeply, etc. Ignoring the consequences doesn’t make them go away. Researching and reviewing them overcomes rationalization and blocks the fading effect.

So, whether you know the consequences of porn or not, research them afresh. Then review them regularly to keep them from fading from the front (literally, the pre-frontal cortex is our logical, thinking and weighing brain) of your mind. This regular review empowers you to take the next steps to overcome the temptation to view. Neglecting the review because “I already know the consequences” puts you at risk. This is the first step for a very good reason: it works.

Now that you know the importance of meta-consequences-cognition, what’s the best way to do it? The temptation to view porn, especially once a habit is established, can be overpowering and seem impossible to overcome. But it can be overcome if you know and take the right steps. We’ve discovered the following steps work:

1. Do the research. You can do your own research at https://scholar.google.com. This is Google’s search engine of research journals. You’ll find research that shows the seriously negative consequences of viewing. If doing your own research seems daunting, here are some shortcuts:

• My website: https://poweroverpornography.com/consequences has a list of consequences.
• “Fight the New Drug” maintains a larger, more comprehensive list of consequences.
• The “National Coalition on Sexual Exploitation” also keeps a solid list of consequences.

2. Learn from God. Look to your faith leaders’ statements on the consequences of viewing porn. I have yet to find a statement from any well-known (or lesser-known) faith that supports porn-viewing. The consequence of dulling your connection with the divine is real. Plus, there are other serious spiritual and family consequences that faith leaders know well.
3. Narrow your list. The body of research is voluminous. It is important to focus on specific consequences that your mind can recall quickly. To do this, narrow the consequences you’ve researched or reviewed to a list of the top five that resonate with you, the consequences that you’ve personally experienced deeply, or the ones you most want to get out of your life.
4. Write them down. Use pen and paper. The writing process helps solidify them in your mind and delays fading. Writing them multiple times (we’ve seen excellent results from writing them each five times) prevents them from fading quite so quickly.
5. Review them regularly. Read them once per day for the first 60 days and then three times per week thereafter. It can be helpful to write them again periodically–the more senses you use, the more they become part of you and your brain.

By the way, steps four and five take advantage of the law of repetition: Our brains remember deeply those things that it is exposed to multiple times. Take advantage of this law by repeating the consequences as suggested in steps four and five.

When you follow these five steps, you keep the consequences from fading so that they can be appropriately weighed. You do it without shame and you defeat common rationalizations. You’ll be surprised at how this simple practice, despite the big word, is one of the keys to overcoming porn habits and addiction.

Meta-consequences-cognition is the first step and just one of the keys to overcoming a porn-viewing habit. You can check out the other steps and key ingredients by getting the book Power Over Pornography for free (+ shipping and handling fee) at https://freebook.poweroverpornography.com