Power Over Pornography

Welcome to the Rationa”lie”zations page. Whatever your justifications or rationalizations for viewing pornography or masturbating, they are not worth the serious negative consequences that follow. Whenever you catch yourself using any of the following rationalizations or justifications, ask yourself, “Does this make the negative consequences worth it?” You’ll find the true answer will always be no.

Please add your favorite rationalization in the comment box and mention why you think it’s a lie.

• Strong sex drive
• Need more than spouse gives
• I’ll stop when I’m married
• But she’s so beautiful
• It relieves stress
• It helps me relax
• If God didn’t want me to do it he wouldn’t have given me such a strong sex drive
• It’s natural to react to my God-given sex drive this way
• It gives me pleasure and what’s wrong with that
• I feel relief
• I need it
• I can’t live without it
• I’m bored and this relieves boredom
• Viewing and Doing is better than having sex with a prostitute
• Viewing and Doing is better than having an affair
• It helps calm my anger
• It’s an outlet for depression
• I do it when I’m sad so that I can feel better
• I feel numb and this at least brings some life to me

The following rationalizations come from Dorothy Hayden, LCSW, New York Center for Sex Addiction Therapy:

• All the guys do it.
• I’m not hurting anyone but myself.
• Just one last time. (Have you considered that if you were capable of “one last time” you would have had that “last time” years ago?)
• I’m just not attracted to my wife. She’s gained ten pounds. (Compared to a porn star?)
• This time I’ll make it work.
• I can have my pleasure without paying a price.
• I can’t see living my whole life without porn.
• I work hard at the office. I deserve this.
• The women in my fantasy life desire me and because I am desired by women, I am a better human being.
• I don’t have a problem with intimacy. I’m just polyamorous.
• Because I’ve suffered through 30 days of not looking at porn, I can start again and this time I’ll have control over it.
• Because these (fantasy) women desire me, I’m proving to the guys from school that I’m not some worthless geek who girls reject.
• If I’m overtaken by a powerful urge to act out, I must comply with it.
• If I reach out for help, no one will be there for me.
• I must turn only to myself to get my needs and wants met.
• The most exciting sexual experience is a fantasy based on using someone else.
• I can rely only on a predictable mood change from sexual arousal. People may not always come through.
• Objects are more dependable than people.
• Vanilla sex with a partner is boring.
• Sex is my first priority. People come second.
• I don’t really have to face anything I don’t want to.
• Objects and events are more important than people. I don’t really need people.
• I can do anything I want, whenever I want, no matter what the damage to myself or others.