Power Over Pornography

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Consequences

“Welcome to the consequences page. The devastating impact of pornography on your life gets cloudy with time. Clear the clouds by reviewing the consequences regularly and even adding some of your own. It helps to view and review the negative consequences of viewing but you’ll receive greater power when you review the positive consequences of living a loving life.”

Negative Consequences:

July 29, 2017

Dr. Gottman’s years of research on marital intimacy align with what divorce lawyers have been witnessing for at least the past fifteen years: Porn use destroys marital intimacy and significantly increases the chances that your marriage will end. https://www.gottman.com/blog/an-open-letter-on-porn/

July 16, 2016

Low self-esteem, highly self-critical, lack of an emotional connection with parents. Therapist Hugh Martin said most users had low self-esteem, were highly critical of themselves and lacked an emotional connection to their parents. Sydney Morning Herald  http://www.smh.com.au/nsw/once-i-saw-porn-there-was-no-going-back-20160715-gq6s6c.html.

August 23, 2015

Less relationship satisfaction and more psychological distress. Women’s reports of their male partners’ pornography use were related to less relationship satisfaction and more psychological distress. In addition, relationship trust mediated the links between male partners’ perceived pornography use and relationship satisfaction and psychological distress. Dawn M. Szymanski, Chandra E. Feltman, Trevor L. Dunn, “Male Partners’ Perceived Pornography Use and Women’s Relational and Psychological Health: The Roles of Trust, Attitudes, and Investment,” Sex Roles, Sep 2015, Volume 73, Issue 5-6, pp 187-199.

June 23, 2015

“…leads to deeper emotional pain and more significant problems.

“Results in emotional and physical intimacy disconnect devoid of meaning for either partner.” (Mark Bell, UCAP Conference April 18, 2015)

April 30, 2015

Decrease in life satisfaction and happiness. Increase in depression and stress. Diminished pleasure and well-being.  “As cyberporn use increased in frequency and episode duration there was a decrease in positive indicators of well-being: life satisfaction and subjective happiness. There was also an increase in the negative indicators of well-being: depression and stress. Thus, there was a statistically significant negative correlation between frequency and episodic duration of cyberporn use and subjective well-being. Hedonic adaptation and sexual addiction theory explain how cyberporn users habituated to a given type or amount of cyberporn and how this habituation leads to diminishing returns in pleasure and well-being.” (“The relationship between subjective well-being and cyberporn use of adults seeking pornography addiction assessment” by Hotchkiss, Jason T., Ed.D., ARGOSY UNIVERSITY/SAN FRANCISCO BAY AREA, 2014, 160 pages.

Greater unsafe sex practices. “For both Internet pornography and general pornography, links with greater unsafe sex practices and number of sexual partners were identified.” (Harkness EL, Mullan BM, Blaszczynski A, “Association between pornography use and sexual risk behaviors in adult consumers: a systematic review,” Cyberpsychology, Behavior, and Social Networking Volume 18 Issue 2: February 15, 2015.

Dissatisfaction with body image, increased relationship anxiety and avoidance. “Men’s frequency of pornography use was (a) positively linked to muscularity and body fat dissatisfaction indirectly through internalization of the mesomorphic ideal, (b) negatively linked to body appreciation directly and indirectly through body monitoring, (c) positively linked to negative affect indirectly through romantic attachment anxiety and avoidance, and (d) negatively linked to positive affect indirectly through relationship attachment anxiety and avoidance. ” (Tylka, Tracy L., “No harm in looking, right? Men’s pornography consumption, body image, and well-being,”Psychology of Men & Masculinity, Vol 16(1), Jan 2015, 97-107.)

Insecure attachment behaviors, relational aggression, and physical aggression. “Higher reports of male pornography use are associated with higher reports of insecure attachment behaviors, relational aggression, and physical aggression.” (Andrew P. Brown, The Relationship Among Male Pornography Use, Attachment, and Aggression in Romantic Relationships.)

February 22, 2015

Contributes to sex slavery. “Every time someone views pornography online or on a mobile phone in a living room or office or wherever… they’re contributing to a cycle of sex slavery from the privacy of [their] own computer or [their] own smart phone,” (David Platt, http://www.christianpost.com/news/ala-megachurch-pastor-david-platt-sex-trafficking-opponents-need-to-stop-watching-porn-which-fuels-prostitution-134505/)

February 15, 2015

Increased selfishness. Strangled marriages. “What we have found in common with men addicted to porn is that they have conditioned themselves to be selfish in many areas of their lives and it is strangling their marriages,” he said. “It is often just a matter of time before they think they deserve to have sex with someone else or otherwise act upon one of their thousands of sexual fantasies fueled by porn.” Dr. Joel Hesch, http://www.wnd.com/2015/02/hollywood-serves-up-torture-porn-for-valentines-day

February 11, 2015

“…the compulsive use of porn dulls the pleasure receptors of the brain, forcing them to seek ever-greater amounts of stimulation in a desperate quest for sexual satisfaction.

“…exposure to porn, which in adults causes dependent behaviors, spiritual emptiness, and a diminished ability to love, does additional harm to children by distorting their mental, emotional, and social development.” (Matt Fradd, “3 absolute MUSTS to protect your children from the pornographic pandemic,” https://www.lifesitenews.com/blogs/he-had-watched-so-much-porn-he-was-almost-numb-to-itand-he-was-12-years-old

February 3, 2015

“Research has shown for some time that porn use in marriage destroys the marital bond, but now we can see that porn use destroys even the desire to get married.” (Patrick Trueman)

“It has a negative impact on emotional intimacy, contributes to a consumer mentality regarding one’s sexual relationship, and raises questions about fidelity and trust in even very strong relationships.” (Steve Harris, Couple and Family Therapy program director at the University of Minnesota, http://www.christianpost.com/news/viewing-porn-cuts-off-part-of-brain-where-decisions-are-weighed-by-morality-says-psychologist-133375/)

January 31, 2015

“I had not treated one case of sexual violence that didn’t involve pornography… some were rape cases, some were incest cases, some were child molestation cases, some were sexual harassment cases – in all of these different kinds of cases, pornography showed up in every single one.”  (Dr. Mary Anne Layden, director of the Sexual Trauma and Psychopathology Program in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania.)

“Pornography is poison. When used as a substitute for love, it is the equivalent of giving salt water to a man dying of thirst—it will merely inflame the desire further without bringing any satisfaction.

“Pornography is… robbing the current generation of their ability to enjoy life-long and happy commitments…. Those who claim that pornography is harmless are, at the end of the day, woefully uneducated.” (Jonathon Van Maren, “Feminism’s self-defeating about-face on porn,”   https://www.lifesitenews.com/blogs/fighting-porn-isnt-anti-sex-its-profoundly-pro-sex-and-pro-woman)

January 28, 2015

“increased Internet usage is negatively associated with marriage formation. Pornography consumption specifically has an even stronger effect.” (Michael Malcolm, George S Naufal, “Are Pornography and Marriage Substitutes for Young Men?,” November 2014, forthcoming in: Eastern Economic Journal, 2015)

January 20, 2015

Dr William Stuthers, a neuroscientist-slash-theologian specialising in the scientific impact of adult material on the human brain states that:

“Repeated exposure to sexualised material, and not just graphic porn, will change our standards of what is acceptable sexually and morally. This is known as the “exposure effect” in psychology….. “the generation that has been raised on porn is becoming less able to enjoy sexual intimacy, connectedness and the empowerment that comes in healthy sexual relationships, especially in the context of marriage.”

Stuthers believes that our brains become dulled by pornography, it also erodes our relational abilities, in short pornography is actually causing us neurological damage. In addition to this, we have to take into account pornography’s link with human trafficking and sexual violence. (http://www.theway.co.uk/news-9820-over-41-of-men-in-church-are-addicted-to-porn)

December 23, 2014

“For young men there is a large degree of substitutability between Internet and pornography usage and marriage – heavy Internet usage generally, and use of pornography specifically, are associated with lower participation in marriages.” (Michael Malcolm George Naufaland, “Are Pornography and Marriage Substitutes for Young Men?”, IZA – Institute for the Study of Labor, October 2014 — http://ftp.iza.org/dp8679.pdf)

“Doran and Price (2014) show that adults who watch X-rated films are more likely to be unhappy in their marriages, more likely to have extra-marital affairs and more likely to divorce.” (” Malcolm, Naufaland, “Are Pornography and Marriage…”)

“Manning (2006) and Zitzman and Butler (2009) also argue that pornography consumption can reduce the happiness and stability associated with existing marriages. Manning, in particular, points to a number of factors that link pornography with marital instability, such as decreased sexual satisfaction and intimacy within marriage along with a perception by wives that  pornography consumption constitutes a form of infidelity.” (” Malcolm, Naufaland, “Are Pornography and Marriage…”)

December 13, 2014

Pornography use has been shown to have a negative impact on the self-esteem of girls (Stewart & Szymanski, 2012)  and an increase in physical insecurities related to sexual performance and body image among both men and women (Lofgren-Ma°rtenson & Ma°nsson, 2010).

Stewart and Szymanski (2012) found that pornography was negatively associated with relationship quality, particularly in longer-term relationships, and that female consumers of pornography experienced feelings of inadequacy and lower self-esteem compared to women who did not use pornography. Additionally, other research on women has documented a decrease in self-esteem and feelings of sexual desirability associated with the male partner’s use of pornography (Bergner & Bridges, 2002; Shaw, 2010; Zitzman, 2007).

Pornography use increases the amount of non-relational,‘‘isolated and solitary”  (Cooper, Putnam, Planchon, & Boies, 1999, p. 82; see also Ferree, 2003) sexual activity, creates harsher judgments among men regarding their female partner’s physical attractiveness (Zillmann & Bryant, 1988), thus exacerbating women’s feelings of insecurity (Bergner & Bridges, 2002) and is associated with decreased sexual satisfaction in partnered men (Bridges&Morokoff, 2011;Stack, Wasserman, & Kern, 2004).

Tsitsika et al. (2009) found that among Greek adolescents, exposure to‘‘sexually explicit material’’fosters‘‘unrealistic attitudes about sex and misleading attitudes toward relationships’’ (p. 549).

Men with high rates of pornography use expressed diminished enjoyment in the enactment of sexually intimate behaviors compared to men with lower rates of pornography use. The consumption of pornography is associated with decreased self-reported enjoyment of sexually intimate behaviors with a real life partner. (Chyng Sun, Ana Bridges, Jennifer Johnason, Matt Ezzell, “Pornography and the Male Sexual Script: An Analysis of Consumption, and Sexual Relations,” Archives of Sexual Behavior, 12/14)

December 6, 2014

“Steve’s personality changed. He became like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, though it seemed that most of the time he was Mr. Hyde. The smartest, kindest, funniest, most faithful, and most considerate man I had ever known—my hero—became cynical, sarcastic, rude, manipulative, and suicidal. He was at his worst on Sundays, being mad at God and mocking things that were important to me.

Steve was unable to financially support our family. He was unable to feel or express love and eventually became unable to nurture relationships. This man with many friends suddenly had none. He continually found fault with me.” (Wife’s perspective from Ensign magazine, July 2013

December 2, 2014

  • Emotional Problems: Keeping secrets, minimizing, justifying, and blatantly lying are constants in the lives of active sex addicts. For obvious reasons, this can be quite stressful. Many sex addicts say that it feels as if they are living two lives—a hidden one taking place in a shadow world of images and sexual hookups, and another that takes place in the real world of work, family, and friends. Because of this, sex addicts can become increasingly irritable, controlling, and withdrawn. By the time they seek help, they typically show signs of profound anxiety, depression, and emotional exhaustion—driven by the stress of maintaining their ongoing lies coupled with shame, despair, and self-hatred about what they are doing. Plus, there is the constant and nagging fear of being found out.
  • Relationship Problems: Sexual addiction can easily destroy an existing romantic relationship. Obsession with external sexual activity leaves emotional and physical intimacy with a primary partner flat and drained of meaning. Sexuality, affection, honesty, and bonding all suffer as the addict becomes increasingly fixated on carrying out and hiding addictive sexual experiences. Oftentimes sex addicts, after their cheating is uncovered, face breakups, threats of divorce, and other similar issues.
  • Disruption of Family Life: When sexual addiction takes over, family life inevitably suffers. Basic responsibilities of childcare and home management lose precedence, becoming secondary to the emotional distractions of sexuality. So in addition to creating problems within a primary relationship, tech-driven sexual addiction negatively affects all other aspects of family life. Even if children don’t know exactly what’s going on, they are harmed by the addict’s emotional unavailability and sometimes even outright neglect. Sex addiction also creates parental tension and arguments, which can significantly and negatively impact children.
  • Poor Self-Care: To avoid confrontations from a concerned spouse or friend, sex addicts will often give up precious hours of rest to seek out sexual activity. They stay awake long after others have gone to bed or get up in the middle of the night to go online or check their phone apps for hits. Even those who don’t stay up late to sexually acting out can find their formerly healthy sleep patterns increasingly disrupted by the anxiety and fear created by their addiction. Additionally, doctor visits, dentist appointments, exercise, preparing and eating healthy meals, and many other aspects of self-care take a backseat to sexual addiction. Addicts who act out in-person (rather than just online) also risk STDs, unwanted pregnancies, and encounters with dangerous people.
  • Sexual Dysfunction: Sexual addiction, porn addiction in particular, can lead to various forms of sexual dysfunction, especially in men. Many male porn addicts report issues with erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation, and/or an inability to reach orgasm. In all likelihood this problem is not simply due to the frequency of masturbation; it is also (and perhaps more) related to the fact that men in general are turned on by new stimuli—which online porn provides in abundance. Thus, the man who spends 90 percent of his sexual life masturbating to a constantly changing stream of porn images is, over time, likely to find a real-world partner less sexually stimulating.
  • Trouble at Work or in School: When a sexual addict is almost completely focused on sexual fantasies and activities, his or her performance at work or in school inevitably suffers. Many sex addicts face reprimands or dismissal as a result. They may also face consequences for acting out sexually while at work or in school, or while using company-issued or school-issued digital devices.
  • Financial Issues: With the digital technology explosion, porn and casual sexual encounters are more affordable than ever. In fact, porn is now almost infinitely available for free, and dating and hookup apps are either free or very inexpensive. Nevertheless, sex addiction can still get expensive if the addict is not careful. In-person meetings can be costly, with money spent on travel, hotel rooms, dinners, and gifts. Prostitutes and erotic massage have always been expensive, as have strip clubs and other sexual venues. Even people who only act out online can spend lots of money, paying membership fees and by-the-minute charges for live video feeds. Plus, it is not unusual for sex addicts, in a moment of shameful determination, to cancel their memberships and delete all of their downloaded porn and sexual contacts. Then, within a few days, they suddenly “find themselves” coughing up still more money to sign back on.
  • Legal Issues: Because of sex addiction’s natural tendency to escalate, some men and women “find themselves” engaged in illegal sexual activities—everything from hiring prostitutes to engaging in exhibitionism or voyeurism to looking at illegal forms of pornography. Oftentimes, when these individuals are caught, they are shocked to finally realize where their addiction has led them. (Recognizing the Consequences of Sexual Addiction,     http://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2014/10/recognizing-the-consequences-of-sexual-addiction/ )    

 

October 29, 2014

“Internet pornography leaves people wanting more and more, but they may not necessarily like what they see, which contributes to symptoms of anxiety and depression,” Dr. Weber says. “Over time, your senses dull and it’s harder to find pleasure in the images, or even in everyday life.”

Dr. Weber says she sees teens and adults with erectile dysfunction because of Internet pornography, but that ED medications don’t help, because they treat the organ, not the brain, where the problem lies.

October 26, 2014

“Under controlled experimental conditions, massive exposure to pornography resulted in a loss of compassion toward women as rape victims and toward women in general.” Dolf Zillman, Jennings Bryant, “Pornography, Sexual Callousness, and Trivialization of Rape,” Journal of Communication, December 1982. (Sister Marysia Weber, DO,  OMED 2014, the Osteopathic Medical Conference & Exposition.)

 

October 16, 2014

One of the most effective tactics is to question clients about life issues (negative consequences) that have arisen related to their sexual behavior. Usually these consequences manifest in one or more (usually more) of the following arenas.

  • Emotional Problems: Keeping secrets, minimizing, justifying, and blatantly lying are constants in the lives of active sex addicts. For obvious reasons, this can be quite stressful. Many sex addicts say that it feels as if they are living two lives—a hidden one taking place in a shadow world of images and sexual hookups, and another that takes place in the real world of work, family, and friends. Because of this, sex addicts can become increasingly irritable, controlling, and withdrawn. By the time they seek help, they typically show signs of profound anxiety, depression, and emotional exhaustion—driven by the stress of maintaining their ongoing lies coupled with shame, despair, and self-hatred about what they are doing. Plus, there is the constant and nagging fear of being found out.
  • Relationship Problems: Sexual addiction can easily destroy an existing romantic relationship. Obsession with external sexual activity leaves emotional and physical intimacy with a primary partner flat and drained of meaning. Sexuality, affection, honesty, and bonding all suffer as the addict becomes increasingly fixated on carrying out and hiding addictive sexual experiences. Oftentimes sex addicts, after their cheating is uncovered, face breakups, threats of divorce, and other similar issues.
  • Disruption of Family Life: When sexual addiction takes over, family life inevitably suffers. Basic responsibilities of childcare and home management lose precedence, becoming secondary to the emotional distractions of sexuality. So in addition to creating problems within a primary relationship, tech-driven sexual addiction negatively affects all other aspects of family life. Even if children don’t know exactly what’s going on, they are harmed by the addict’s emotional unavailability and sometimes even outright neglect. Sex addiction also creates parental tension and arguments, which can significantly and negatively impact children.
  • Poor Self-Care: To avoid confrontations from a concerned spouse or friend, sex addicts will often give up precious hours of rest to seek out sexual activity. They stay awake long after others have gone to bed or get up in the middle of the night to go online or check their phone apps for hits. Even those who don’t stay up late to sexually acting out can find their formerly healthy sleep patterns increasingly disrupted by the anxiety and fear created by their addiction. Additionally, doctor visits, dentist appointments, exercise, preparing and eating healthy meals, and many other aspects of self-care take a backseat to sexual addiction. Addicts who act out in-person (rather than just online) also risk STDs, unwanted pregnancies, and encounters with dangerous people.
  • Sexual Dysfunction: Sexual addiction, porn addiction in particular, can lead to various forms of sexual dysfunction, especially in men. Many male porn addicts report issues with erectile dysfunction, delayed ejaculation, and/or an inability to reach orgasm. In all likelihood this problem is not simply due to the frequency of masturbation; it is also (and perhaps more) related to the fact that men in general are turned on by new stimuli—which online porn provides in abundance. Thus, the man who spends 90 percent of his sexual life masturbating to a constantly changing stream of porn images is, over time, likely to find a real-world partner less sexually stimulating.
  • Trouble at Work or in School: When a sexual addict is almost completely focused on sexual fantasies and activities, his or her performance at work or in school inevitably suffers. Many sex addicts face reprimands or dismissal as a result. They may also face consequences for acting out sexually while at work or in school, or while using company-issued or school-issued digital devices.
  • Financial Issues: With the digital technology explosion, porn and casual sexual encounters are more affordable than ever. In fact, porn is now almost infinitely available for free, and dating and hookup apps are either free or very inexpensive. Nevertheless, sex addiction can still get expensive if the addict is not careful. In-person meetings can be costly, with money spent on travel, hotel rooms, dinners, and gifts. Prostitutes and erotic massage have always been expensive, as have strip clubs and other sexual venues. Even people who only act out online can spend lots of money, paying membership fees and by-the-minute charges for live video feeds. Plus, it is not unusual for sex addicts, in a moment of shameful determination, to cancel their memberships and delete all of their downloaded porn and sexual contacts. Then, within a few days, they suddenly “find themselves” coughing up still more money to sign back on.
  • Legal Issues: Because of sex addiction’s natural tendency to escalate, some men and women “find themselves” engaged in illegal sexual activities—everything from hiring prostitutes to engaging in exhibitionism or voyeurism to looking at illegal forms of pornography. Oftentimes, when these individuals are caught, they are shocked to finally realize where their addiction has led them.

The above list is by no means complete.

Recognizing the Consequences of Sexual Addiction, By         

http://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex/2014/10/recognizing-the-consequences-of-sexual-addiction/

 

October 2, 2014

There were 75.3% (N = 253) who reported feeling distressed due to hypersexual behavior. Functional impairment in at least one life area was specified by 77.4% (N = 270), and most participants (56.2%) reported impairment regarding partner relationships. Personal distress and functional impairment in three areas were associated with a strong motivation for behavior change. Distress was associated with online pornography use, masturbation, and/or sexual contact with changing partners. The progression of sexual urges was related to distress, while time spent on sexual behavior was not. There were 92.9% of the distressed participants who scored above the SAST-R core scale cut-off, but also 59.0% of the participants with little or no distress scored in this range. Spenhoff M1, Kruger TH, Hartmann U, Kobs J. “Hypersexual behavior in an online sample of males: associations with personal distress and functional impairment,”  J Sex Med. 2013 Dec;10(12):2996-3005. doi: 10.1111/jsm.12160. Epub 2013 Apr 11.  http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23578375

October 2, 2014

CSB [compulsive sexual behavior] subjects reported that as a result of excessive use of sexually explicit materials, they had lost jobs due to use at work, damaged intimate relationships or negatively influenced other social activitiesexperienced diminished libido or erectile function specifically in physical relationships with women (although not in relationship to the sexually explicit material), used escorts excessively,  experienced suicidal ideation and using large amounts of moneyhttp://pornstudycritiques.com/the-emperor-has-no-clothes-a-fractured-fairytale-posing-as-a-review/ (Summarizing Cambridge study results)

October 1, 2014

Higher pornography consumption is related to lower commitment. Participants consuming higher levels of pornography flirted more with an extradyadic partner during an online chat. Pornography consumption is positively related to infidelity.

Nathaniel M. Lambert and Sesen Negash, “A Love That Doesn’t Last: Pornography Consumption and Weakened Commitment to One’s Romantic Partner,” Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, Vol. 31, No. 4, 2012, pp. 410-438. http://www.fincham.info/papers/2012-porn.pdf

 

September 29, 2014

A 2011 Italian study, which polled 28,000 people, revealed that many men suffer from “sexual anorexia,” or the loss of appetite for real sexual encounters. The common theme behind this disorder is that pornography addicts become desensitized to physical intimacy since they constantly have access to adult videos and pictures. In some of these cases, men are completely unable to produce and maintain an erection during sex. (http://bodybuilding.elitefitness.com/cure-pornography-addiction)

July 8, 2014

Porn addiction may turn women into hypersexuals: Study

Tuesday, 08 July 2014 02:36 PM

London: Not just fantasies, but heavy porn viewing may make some women “hypersexual” – to have sex so frequently that it may cause them problems, a fascinating study reveals.

To get a better idea of what hypersexual women actually do, the researchers surveyed nearly 1,000 women in Germany and asked them how frequently they watched porn and how many sexual partners they have had. Researchers also assessed hypersexual behaviour in participants using a questionnaire called “Hypersexual Behavior Inventory”.

The results showed that the more frequently women watched porn, the more likely they were to score high on the hypersexuality questionnaire. The behavioural patterns in hypersexual women resembled behaviours previously identified in hypersexual men. These behaviours include pornography dependence, excessive masturbation and promiscuity.

“The results do not support the idea of previous research that hypersexual women are typically engaged in more passive forms of sexual behaviour like fantasies,” researchers said. The study contradicts the assumption that hypersexual women only use sexual behaviour to control and influence interpersonal relationships, they noted.

“It is still a challenge to identify such individuals who may require treatment without falsely stigmatising others and their ‘normal’ sexual behaviour,” researchers concluded in a Live Science report. http://www.abplive.in/World/2014/07/08/article358515.ece/Porn-addiction-may-turn-women-into-hypersexuals-Study#.U7wCcTNOXb0.

September 2014

Decreased Self-Esteem

Youth who struggle with pornography often experience debilitating shame that erodes their self-esteem. Some of the signs for loss in self-esteem include performing poorly in school, losing motivation for activities, and showing lack of discipline in good health practices or sleeping patterns.

Social Withdrawal

Addictions to pornography thrive in secret, and you may see your teenager withdrawing more from family time and social activities. This is the most common indicator of a problem with pornography. Teenagers who spend an inordinate amount of time in their room with the door locked and who isolate themselves from others may not just be shy. Even when they are included in social situations, these teenagers often have difficulty interacting with others. Isolation becomes more pronounced as the addiction deepens, and teenagers often display anger when their personal space is invaded. Those who struggle with pornography develop distorted views of their own worth and of others’ virtue, and they pull away from the people they imagine to be more virtuous because they feel unworthy, ashamed, and hypocritical.

Depression

Depression is a double-edged blade because it can serve as both a symptom of and a trigger for an addiction. Continual expressions of hopelessness, insistent negativity, and admissions of helplessness can all be signs of depression. Teenagers who joke about suicide manifest depression. Other signs of depression include eating more or less than normal, sleeplessness or oversleeping, and physical exhaustion—basically anything that could be considered extreme behaviors.

Other signs of involvement with pornography include increased anger, dishonesty, pride, and discomfort or boredom in spiritual settings. (Jennifer Grace Fallon, “Healing Hidden Wounds,” Liahona magazine, Sept. 2014)

July 7, 2014

Neglect their schoolwork, spend huge amounts of money they don’t have, become isolated from others, and often suffer depression.” Gail Dines, Pornland, page 93.

Dr. William Struthers, who has a PhD in biopsychology from the University of Illinois at Chicago, confirms some of these and adds more, finding that men who use porn become controlling, highly introverted, have high anxiety, narcissistic, curious, have low self-esteem, depressed, dissociative, distractible (Wired for Intimacy, 64-65).

Pornography leaves men desensitized to both outrage and to excitement, leading to an overall diminishment of feeling and eventually to dissatisfaction with the emotional tugs of everyday life…Eventually they are left with a confusing mix of supersized expectations about sex and numbed emotions about women…When a man gets bored with pornography, both his fantasy and real worlds become imbued with indifference. The real world often gets really boring…” (Pornified, 90, 91). Reference: http://theresurgence.com/2011/11/19/7-negative-effects-of-porn

June 5, 2014

Pea brain: watching porn online will wear out your brain and make it shrivel

If you watch a lot of soft porn, you may want more extreme stuff in the future. Porn, suggests a new study, influences the structure of your brain: in fact, it might even make your brain shrink.

Men who watch large amounts of sexually explicit material have brains with smaller reward systems, a study finds.

“That could mean that regular consumption of pornography more or less wears out your reward system,” says Simone Kühn, psychologist at the Max Planck Institute for Human Development in Berlin and lead author of the study, published in the “JAMA Psychiatry” journal.

Your reward system is a collection of neural structures in the brain that regulate and control behavior by inducing pleasure.

The researchers scanned the brains of 64 men aged between 21 and 45 with a MRI machine.

Those probands – or study subjects – who watched porn often had a smaller striatum, which is an important part of the reward system and also involved in sexual arousal.

The study also found that the reward systems of porn-experienced men were less active when they watched sexually arousing pictures inside the MRI machine.

“We assume that probands with a high porn consumption need increasing stimulation to receive the same amount of reward,” Simone Kühn says.

Consequence or precondition?

But were men with smaller striatum seeking more porn because they needed more external stimulation, or did the higher consumption of porn make this part of the brain smaller?

The researchers admit both could be true. But they say the latter is more likely.

Kühn says existing psychological, scientific literature suggests consumers of porn will seek material with novel and more extreme sex games.

“That would fit perfectly the hypothesis that their reward systems need growing stimulation.”

A brain scan can reveal a lot.

In future studies the researchers plan to observe brain changes in study subjects over a period of time to see whether the reward system really changes with increasing porn consumption.

Like cocaine and gaming

Kühn says the team had predicted it would observe changes in the reward system – but the opposite of what it ultimately found.

http://www.dw.de/pea-brain-watching-porn-online-will-wear-out-your-brain-and-make-it-shrivel/a-17681654

 

May 30, 2014

New Research Reveals What Porn Actually Does to Your Brain
By Tom McKay

A study published in the journal JAMA Psychiatry has linked high pornography usage to lower volume and activity in the regions of the brain linked to rewards and motivation. It’s the first to provide a solid link between consumption of dirty movies to reductions in brain size and activity in response to sexual stimuli.

Scientists gathered 64 healthy men between the ages of 21 and 45 years and asked them questions about their pornography consumption. Then they imaged their brains.

“We found that the volume of the so-called striatum, a brain region that has been associated with reward processing and motivated behavior was smaller the more pornography consumption the participants reported,” lead researcher Simone Kühn, who works with the Max Planck Institute for Human Development in Berlin, told Reuters.

“Moreover we found that another brain region, that is also part of the striatum that is active when people see sexual stimuli, shows less activation the more pornography participants consumed.”

However, the results are not enough to conclusively demonstrate that pornography is bad for you. It’s also possible that lazy slobs just watch more pornography, which comes with plenty of anecdotal evidence. Kühn says that “Unfortunately we cannot answer this question based on the results of the present study.”

 

May 7, 2014

Bethany Becconsall as told to The Daily Mail:  She told the paper she wishes she had known how “empty and degraded” porn would make her feel.

“I wish, too, I’d been told that porn is not reality. It’s acting. Most of all, I wish I’d known it can destroy your heart — and your mind.”

http://www.christian.org.uk/news/ex-porn-addict-reveals-how-the-habit-destroyed-her-heart/

 

December 14, 2013

Porn can lead to physical addiction, a decline in sexual satisfaction with one’s mate, and decreased sexual performance.

“With such an inexhaustible supply of porn at our disposal, there is a growing concern that it is beginning to effect [sic] our brains, our relationships, and even our bodies,”

“…arousal actually declined with the same mate, while those who regularly found different mates were able to continual their arousal,” Scott Christian, as quoted at http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/gq-magazine-tells-men-quit-watching-porn-before-it-ruins-your-sex-life/.

inability to climax with a human partner after what he called “overmasturbation” while viewing porn sites.  For his piece, called, “He’s Just Not That into Anyone,”

a waning desire for their partners

Stefan, 43, who is happily married but cannot climax during sex with his wife unless he replays pornographic images in his mind’s eye.  Davy Rothbart, “He’s Just Not That into Anyone, New York Magazine” as quoted at http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/gq-magazine-tells-men-quit-watching-porn-before-it-ruins-your-sex-life/.

porn takes the excitement out of relationships with young women.  “Before the internet porn, a kiss would make my heart race, my lips and body tingle, and I’d get butterflies in my stomach.  Since changing my habits, I’ve lost that feeling: the newness of a real kiss. It has somehow muted my feelings,”  Rich Santos,  Marie Claire magazine

 

December 13, 2013

Desensitisation to the same erotic stimuli that turned you on recently and, over the longer term, it can cause a greater likelihood of sexual dysfunction.

Crave more and more extreme pornography – violence and taboo images activate the autonomic nervous system, which is involved with arousal –  in order to reach that same level  of excitement.

Trouble reaching orgasm. Doctors are now reporting an epidemic of healthy young and middle-aged men, with no disease or psychological issue that would otherwise explain their difficulties, who are having sexual problems such as impotence or delayed ejaculation due to this desensitisation.

Related to desensitisation, viewers start to see their own partners as less attractive, and less able to arouse them by ordinary sexual behaviour.

A recent University of Sydney study, in which two professors surveyed more than 800 men, found that excessive porn consumption was reported by almost half the respondents (85 per cent of whom were married or in a relationship), and was harming their professional success and relationships. Naomi Wolf, “How Porn is Destroying Modern Sex Lives,” Daily Mail, http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2522279/Porn-destroying-modern-sex-lives-says-feminist-writer-Naomi-Wolf.html

 

October 22, 2013

Mary Anne Layden, co-director of the Sexual Trauma and Psychopathology Program at the University of Pennsylvania’s Center for Cognitive Therapy, called porn the “most concerning thing to psychological health that I know of existing today.”

“The internet is a perfect drug delivery system because you are anonymous, aroused and have role models for these behaviors,” Layden said. “To have drug pumped into your house 24/7, free, and children know how to use it better than grown-ups know how to use it — it’s a perfect delivery system if we want to have a whole generation of young addicts who will never have the drug out of their mind.”

Pornography addicts have a more difficult time recovering from their addiction than cocaine addicts, since coke users can get the drug out of their system, but pornographic images stay in the brain forever, Layden said.  http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/news/2004/11/65772

 

October 3, 2013

Reddit maintains a forum for those trying to quit viewing pornography and masturbating. They recently conducted a survey of their members with some eye-popping results:

58% of survey respondents are between 20 and 29 years old, 31% are teenagers and the rest are over 30. 75% are single

Only 27% reported no symptoms from their porn use

64% note that their tastes in pornography have grown more extreme or more deviant. 36% of them are ashamed about their more extreme or more deviant tastes

Here are the major dysfunctions they report as a result of porn and masturbation:

Decreased sensitivity – 29%

Erectile dysfunction – 23%

Difficulty reaching orgasm – 22%

Disinterest in sex/partner – 19%

Premature ejaculation – 11%

Here are the major improvements they noted from abstaining from porn and masturbation:

Improvement in their sexual dysfunction – 60%

More willing to talk to women – 55%

Gained a better knowledge of their strengths and weaknesses – 60%

Increase in energy levels and productivity – 67%

Sources available at http://www.projectknow.com/explore/taking-a-whack-at-porn-addiction/

September 25, 2013

Consider Robert, a 26-year-old computer programmer:

“My girlfriend Melissa is a sales rep who spends her weekdays traveling, coming home and spending time with me on weekends. Our sex life was great until about a year ago. I used to really look forward to Friday nights because I knew the first thing that would happen after she got home was we’d hop into bed for hot, sweaty, incredibly intense sex. Our (my) pent-up sexual energy usually resulted in a quick session, followed by a shower (together), a romantic dinner out, and more leisurely lovemaking later that night. Over the last year, however, I’ve struggled to achieve and maintain an erection, and sometimes I can’t ejaculate. And we’re definitely not doing it twice in one night like we used to. I’ve actually faked an orgasm a couple of times just to get things over with. What I can’t understand is why I’m ready, willing, and able when logging onto my favorite porn sites — something I do regularly when Melissa is on the road — but I can’t function when I’ve got the real thing right there in front of me. I am NOT bored with Melissa, and I still think she’s very sexy and exciting.”

Robert’s inability to perform sexually is more common among young men than one might expect, and it is directly related to his porn use. In fact, it is becoming increasingly apparent that online porn is a leading cause of both erectile dysfunction (ED) and delayed ejaculation (DE) in otherwise healthy men in their sexual prime. In one study, male porn users reported increasing difficulty in being turned on by their real-world sexual partners. When asked if this phenomenon had any relationship to viewing pornography, subjects answered that it initially helped them get more excited during sex, but over time it had the opposite effect. So, thanks to pornography, growing numbers of women now find themselves in relationships with men who are suffering from sexual dysfunction, which affects the women as much as the men. After all, if your man can’t get it up, keep it up, or reach orgasm, your sexual pleasure is likely to be diminished.

Common complaints about porn-induced male sexual dysfunction include:

  • He has no problem achieving erection or orgasm with pornography, but in person, with his willing partner, he struggles with one or both.
  • He is able to have sex and achieve orgasm with his partner, but reaching orgasm takes a lot longer than it used to and his partner says he seems disengaged.
  • He can maintain an erection with his partner, but can only reach orgasm by replaying clips of Internet porn in his mind.
  • He increasingly prefers pornography to real-life sex, finding it more intense and engaging.
  • He keeps porn-related secrets from his partner (amount of time spent looking at porn, types images seen, etc.)
  • His partner feels like “the other woman.”

Robert Weiss, LCWS, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/robert-weiss/is-porn-destroying-your-s_b_3862281.html

September 25, 2013

Cosmopolitan magazine questioned 68 leading sex and relationship experts about the effects of porn on today’s relationship, and the result was overwhelmingly negative.

Eighty six per cent of the therapists questioned believe porn has had a negative effect on relationships and 90 per cent have seen an increase in relationship problems due to porn in recent years.

Needless to say, porn has become a ticking time bomb in relationships and is crushing men’s and women’s confidence in the bedroom.

More and more men are suffering from performance anxiety because of the ‘impressive’ feats they see in porn, whilst women feel insecure about their bodies and feel pressured to ‘perform’.

Porn is becoming such a problem for some that 85 per cent of experts think porn has had a negative effect on women’s confidence.

‘Porn can affect men’s ability to form relationships with real women, rather than those on their laptop,’ said Psychosexual therapist Carol Featherstone.

Psychosexual therapist Karen Lobb-Rossini says, ‘More and more young people (girls as well as boys) are learning about sex through porn, and it’s having a devastating effect on their perception of themselves and their bodies.’

Whilst some experts have claimed porn can help some relationships, many experts now believe it can have a devastating effect by skewing what is expected in the bedroom,’ said Louise Court, Editor of Cosmopolitan. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2264419/Vanilla-sex-OUT-porn-addiction-IN-Disturbing-results-Cosmo-survey-reveal-porn-damaging-relationships.html#ixzz2fwMONQUt

September 25, 2013

Porn addiction induces changes in certain brain areas quite similar to the changes seen in brains of people addicted to alcohol or drugs, a new study from Cambridge University found.

“We found greater activity in an area of the brain called the ventral striatum, which is a reward center, involved in processing reward, motivation and pleasure,” Dr Valerie Voon, an honorary consultant neuropsychiatrist, lead author of the study told the Sunday Times. “When an alcoholic sees an ad for a drink, their brain will light up in a certain way and they will be stimulated in a certain way. We are seeing this same kind of activity in users of pornography.”

The study included 19 people who said that they were addicted to pornography and a control group that had people who didn’t feel the compulsion to watch porn. http://www.natureworldnews.com/articles/4107/20130923/porn-addiction-alcoholism-substance-abuse-study.htm

Experiencing severe consequences due to sexual behavior, and an inability to stop despite these adverse consequences. In Patrick Carnes’ book, “Don’t Call It Love,” 1991, some of the losses reported by sex addicts include: Loss of partner or spouse (40%).

Severe marital or relationship problems (70%).

Loss of career opportunities (27%).

Suicide obsession (72%).

Suicide attempts (17%).

Dramatically reduces capacity to love  Treatment & Healing of Pornographic and Sexual Addictions by Dr.Victor B. Cline, PhD – April 1999.

Marked dissociation of sex from friendship, affection, caring, and other normal healthy emotions and traits which help marital and family relationships Treatment & Healing…

Repeatedly masturbating to deviant pornographic imagery (either as memories in the mind or with explicit external pornographic stimuli which risks (via conditioning) the acquiring of sexual addictions and/or other sexual pathology. Treatment & Healing…

“…Marital or couple disharmony, sometimes divorce, and sometimes the breaking up of other valued relationships. Treatment & Healing…

Loss of free agency. Treatment & Healing…

Strong correlation between pornography and sex crimes. Stan Weed, Pornography: a review of scientific literature, National Coalition for the Protection of Children and Families.

Miss a profound opportunity for what many have described as a spiritual connection between ourselves, our spouse, and God, in exchange for the temporary gratification of our individual lusts and desires. Jeffrey R. Holland, “Personal Purity.”

Difficulties in their relationship with themselves, with others, and with God. Being thus cut off from these sources of emotional strength, the person is then more susceptible to the influence of negative thoughts and beliefs that end up in their minds. Jeffrey R. Holland.

Destructive emotional avoidance strategies. Jason Briere, “Trauma: assessment and treatment in adult interpersonal violence,” presentation given at annual Treatment Conference of the Utah Domestic Advisory Council, 2000.

Development of compulsive behavior patterns as we find that pornography use temporarily relieves our negative feelings  Pornography Use: Consequences and Cures, Paul James Birch.

Negative feelings (guilt, shame, etc.)  See A. Dean Byrd and Mark Chamberlain, Willpower is not enough: why we don’t succeed at change, Deseret Book, 1995, ch. 1, and Carnes, Out of the shadows, pp. 99-116.

More susceptible to problems in relationships because there is a sense of feeling cut off or isolated in their shame. Pornography Use: Consequences and Cures, Paul James Birch.

Depression, low self-worth, hopelessness, fear, guilt, shame, financial problems, eating problems, anxiety disorders, inability to deal with sexual abuse issues, inability to form lasting relationships, idealization of hoped for relationships, intense criticism of actual relationships, disturbances in relationships (particularly spousal and parental), Pornography Use: Consequences and Cures, Paul James Birch.

Progress is washed away with each relapse.  Pornography Use: Consequences and Cures, Paul James Birch.

Marital happiness, self-esteem, stress management, parenting relationships, etc., are all potentially compromised. Pornography Use: Consequences and Cures, Paul James Birch.

Decreased sexual desire for spouse. Bridges, A.J., Bergner, R.M., Romantic partners’ use of pornography: Its significance for women. Journal of Sex & marital Therapy, 29, 1-14.

Decreased sexual intimacy. Schneider, J.P. (1998(. The new “elephant in the living room:” Effects of compulsive cybersex behaviors on the spouse. CyberPsychology & Behavior, 1(2), 169-186.

It will destroy your home life. It will destroy your marriage. It will take the good and beautiful out of your family relationships and replace these with ugliness and suspicion. Gordon B Hinckley,  Ensign, November 2000.

 “Social life suffered. So did my schoolwork, family ties, and—most important—my spirituality.” “Danger Ahead! Avoiding Pornography’s Trap,” New Era, Oct 2002, 34.

“At the very time I most needed the promptings of the Spirit in my life, I was less and less able to feel anything. Life became a constant struggle against depression. “Danger Ahead! Avoiding Pornography’s Trap.”

“My soul hungered, but the only thing I fed it offered no nourishment. I would get down on myself, so I would delve into pornography to feel better. But the pornography would upset me even more.”

Guilt, fear, and depression are common emotions for those involved with pornography–guilt, because they know what they are doing is wrong; fear, because they are terrified their secret will be found out; and depression, because they no longer feel the Spirit.

Relationships with family, friends, Church leaders, and the Lord are damaged.

My self-confidence dwindled in church, school, and everywhere. Many times I felt very alone, awkward, and unworthy. If a girl liked me, I would think, “She wouldn’t like me if she really knew me.” I would shy away from being social.

“I noticed a change in my own countenance day by day, year by year. I became calloused and hardened. I found myself lying to my parents, my bishop, everyone around me. Inside I was going through personal turmoil and spiritual torment.

“I loathed myself.” Breaking the Chains of Pornography, Ensign, Feb 2001.

“Numbs the feelings.” Breaking the Chains of Pornography, Ensign, Feb 2001.

Structural Brain Changes:

1.     Numbed Pleasure Response

2.     Hyper-reactivity to porn

3.     Willpower Erosion

Gary Wilson, TedX talk, “The Great Porn Experiment,” May 2012.

Internet Porn is killing young men’s sexual performance. Survey by the Italian Society of Andrology and Sexual Medicine, February 2011.

It starts with lower reactions to porn sites. Then there is a general drop in libido, and in the end it becomes impossible to get an erection. Dr. Carlo Foresta, head of the Italian Society of Andrology and Sexual Medicine.

“I’ve been to psychologists and psychiatrists for the last 8 years.” Quote from former porn addict, The Great Porn Experiment.

We have traded that which is of most worth for something less—life giving, commitment-solidifying, joy-producing sexuality for transient, sensual, immediate gratification. Pornography Use: Consequences and Cures by Paul James Birch.

Spouse feels betrayed as if actual physical affair occurred. Schneider, J.P., Coley, M.D., & Irons, R.R. (1998). Surviving disclosure of infidelity: Results of an interactional survey of 164 recovering sex addicts and partners. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity, 5, 189-217.

“…steals from the true beauty of what marriage is supposed to be…It’s the perfect theft of growing old together.”

“It is toxic miseducation about sex and relationships,” Dr. Mary Anne Layden.

Pornography alters the way men think. Because the women in porn are only glossy magazine pictures or pixels on the screen, they have no sexual or relational expectations of their own. This trains men to desire the cheap thrill of fantasy over a committed relationship that requires them to connect to another human being. Pornography trains men to be digital voyeurs: looking at women rather than seeking genuine intimacy. Dr. Gary Brooks, The Centerfold Syndrome.

After only a few prolonged exposures to pornographic videos, men and women alike reported less sexual satisfaction with their intimate partners, including their partners’ affection, physical appearance, and sexual performance. Journal of Applied Social Psychology.

When men and women were exposed to pictures of female centerfold models from Playboy and Penthouse, this significantly lowered their judgments about the attractiveness of “average” people. Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy.

Sexual arousal and excitement diminish with repeated exposure to sexual scenes, leading people to seek out greater variety and novelty in the pornography they view. Dr. Victor Cline.

Overexposure to erotic stimuli actually exhausts the sexual responses of healthy young men. French neuroscientist Serge Stoleru.

Men who habitually view pornography develop cynical attitudes about love and the need for affection between partners. They begin to view the institution of marriage as sexually confining. Often, men develop a “tolerance” for sexually explicit material, leading them to seek out more novel or bizarre material to achieve the same level of arousal. Dr. Dolf Zillmann.

Pornography causes impotence—an inability to function with your own sexual power. “If he can’t make love to his beloved,” says Reisman, “If he has to imagine a picture, if he has to imagine a scene, in order to actually reach the heights of completion with this person, then he’s no longer with his own power, is he? He has been stripped. He has been hijacked. He has been emasculated. He has, in effect, been castrated visually.” Dr. Judith Reisman

…a mind trained for fantasy will find reality dull, no matter how supposedly stunning that reality is.

“So when you’re 12 and 13 and you’re not married, you think when you become married, that this whole habit you’ve created for yourself will just go away because now you’ll have a sex partner,” John says. “But the problem is, it’s not actually a sexual experience, it’s a fantasy experience that your body gets trained for. So now, the reality of the marriage isn’t the fantasy.

The onslaught of porn doesn’t increase but deadens male libido, leading men to see fewer and fewer women as porn-worthy. “For how can a real woman…possibly compete with a cybervision of perfection, downloadable and extinguishable at will, who comes, so to speak, utterly submissive and tailored to the consumer’s least specification?” No woman can compete with this. “Today,” Wolf writes, “real naked women are just bad porn.” Naomi Wolf.

“Lots of guys, 20s or so, can’t get it up anymore with a real girl, and they all relate having a serious porn/masturbation habit.” “A growing number of young, healthy Internet pornography users are complaining of delayed ejaculation, inability to be turned on by real partners, and sluggish erections”, reported Psychology Today’s Cupid Poisoned Arrow blog, which noted that some men who frequently view pornography find real-life sex too tame to sate their porn-led fantasies. Psychology Today.

Porn depletes the body’s erection stimulating chemicals. Dopamine overstimulation leads to a depletion of the body’s cGMP vasodilator, the chemical that allows an erection to occur and be sustainedKicking a porn/dopamine addiction is difficult – it can take up to six months, and there are withdrawal symptoms – but at the end of it, you’ll be able to resume a normal sex life.

“Depersonalizes those who take part in it, but it also has the potential to damage the real-life relationships of those who use it.” Norman Wells of the Family Education Trust.

It breaks apart marriages – 56 percent of divorces involve one party having an obsessive interest in “pornographic websites,” according to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.

80 male and 80 female college-age participants were divided into three subgroups, and each group was shown 4 hours and 48 minutes of media. Dr. Dolf Zillmann of Indiana University and Dr. Jennings Bryant of The University of Alabama.

The first group, the “Massive Exposure Group,” was shown 36 non-violent pornographic films over a six-week period.

The second group, the “Intermediate Exposure Group,” was exposed to 18 pornographic films and 18 regular films over a six-week period.

The third (control) group, the “No Exposure Group,” was shown 36 non-pornographic movies over a six-week period. Here are the results of the study:

Watching Porn Decreases Our Sexual Satisfaction. It trains us to desire the variety and “designer sex” of porn more than the familiar sexuality of marriage.

Watching Porn Disconnects Us from Real Relationships. It trains us to detach emotional involvement from sexual experience.

Watching Porn Lowers Our View of Women. It trains us to see women as sexual commodities, not people created in God’s image.

Watching Porn Desensitizes Us to Cruelty. It numbs us to the seriousness of verbal and physical aggression.

Watching Porn Makes Us Want to Watch More Porn. It taps into the neuro-circuitry of our brains, making us desire the rush of sexual energy from porn again and again.

When I get a call from a Urologist to refer a patient suffering erectile dysfunction, my mind typically sees a 50 plus year old gentleman. Recently this image in my mind is being replaced with a 20 plus year old that is addicted to internet porn.

Low libido (which is now happening to men in their twenties) is caused by continuous over-stimulation of dopamine, the same neurotransmitter that activates the body’s reaction to sexual pleasure by repeatedly viewing pornography on the Internet. This causes men to become desensitized to normal stimuli, and they need increasingly extreme experiences to become sexually aroused. Most of the young men I see never believed this could be a problem with Internet porn. In fact, the majority of them see me after seeing their Urologist only to hear that everything checks out normal. Although their testosterone and other health measures may be normal, the fact that they cannot achieve an erection is not normal. They suffer from an addiction and like all addictions, denial of the problem, and continuing to use the “vice” keeps it in place. Marnia Robinson, “Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction.”

Internet porn addicts can spend hours or even lose days looking at Internet porn. Therefore, it is likely they are in a loveless marriage, or not dating. Their addiction takes over their life totally.

The most common signs and symptoms of an Internet porn addiction are listed below from a book titled, “The Porn Trap:”

  • Using the Internet for hours with or without breaks.
  • Becoming more anxious or depressed.
  • They ignore friends, family, or personal responsibility.
  • They lie about spending time on the Internet and what they are doing while on the Internet.
  • They become irritable when Internet use is disrupted.

If you are in a relationship with someone addicted to Internet porn, you will notice they want less sex with you, seem to lack interest, and withdraw intimacy with you in many ways. They prefer spending time alone, and in the case of marriage, they withdraw from “family times” more and more.

Divorce lawyers report a high correspondence between pornography consumption and divorces. A 2004 study revealed that persons having an extramarital affair were more than three times more likely to have accessed Internet porn than those who did not have affairs. Further, those ever having engaged in paid sex were 3.7 times more apt to be using Internet porn than those who had not. Social Science Quarterly titled “Adult Social Bonds and Use of Internet Pornography.”

To a child, pornography normalizes sexual harm. “Research has shown that the prefrontal cortex — the home of good judgment, common sense, impulse control and emotions — is not completely mature until children are 20-22 years of age,” she explained. The introduction of pornography to the brain’s prefrontal cortex is therefore devastating to key areas of a child’s development and may be life-altering. “When a child sees adult pornography … their brains will convince them that they are actually experiencing what they are seeing,” Cooper added. In other words, what a child sees in porn is what they believe is reality. Dr. Sharon Cooper, a pediatrician at the University of North Carolina.

Some children will actually emulate what they see in pornography and experiment on siblings, relatives and friends. Many studies show that children exposed to pornography initiate sexual activity at an earlier age, have more sex partners, and have multiple partners in a short period of time. A 2001 study in the journal Pediatrics also found that teenage girls exposed to pornographic movies have sex more frequently and have a strong desire to become pregnant.

Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction Is a Growing Problem http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cupids-poisoned-arrow/201107/porn-induced-sexual-dysfunction-is-growing-problem

Swearing Off Porn Saved My Sex Life http://goodmenproject.com/guy-talk/swearing-off-porn-saved-my-sex-life/

How Porn Can Ruin Your Sex Life—and Your Marriage http://goodmenproject.com/health/how-porn-can-ruin-your-sex-life-and-your-marriage/

The initial finding was that individuals who consume porn daily are on the border between moderate to severe depression while individuals who view porn 3-5 times a week scored in the moderate range for depression. Clearly, my sample of 400 self-selected individuals seeking help to deal with porn are.

Frequency of viewing pornography was related to higher levels of depression in both married and single men. In fact, regardless of relationship status, individuals who viewed pornography daily were on the border of severe depression. This is a very significant finding as it suggests that individuals who view porn daily, regardless of their relationship status, are experiencing elevated levels of depression.

Do you think the Surgeon General of the United States would be willing to give some type of warning? I would be willing to write it for him. I imagine it would read something like this:

Warning: Daily consumption of pornography is not good for your mental health.

Individuals who view porn daily report elevated levels of depression regardless of their relationship status.

Married men (n =32) scored in the mild depression range while single men (n= 57) still scored in the moderate to severe range for depression. Married men are less depressed than single men, but this is only true if they aren’t consuming porn daily.

People who report frequent viewing of pornography are struggling with moderate to severe depression and single people who view porn 3-5 times a week report more depression than married people who view porn 3-5 times a week. November 22, 2011 by Kevin B. Skinner, PhD., “The Heart of Porn Addition.”

2004 testimony before the United States Senate, Dr. Jill Manning shared some interesting data regarding pornography and relationships. In her research she found that 56 percent of divorce cases involved one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites. Another source, the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, polled 350 divorce attorneys in 2003 where two thirds of them reported that the Internet played a significant role in the divorces, with excessive interest in online porn contributing to more than half such cases.

While sexual acting out may provide temporary relief or numbness from pain, it creates a greater sense of shame and pain in the end, which then leads to a return to sexual acting out behaviors.

Addiction carries with it a significant amount of shame. Recovery involves uncovering that shame, confronting it, and creating healthier ways of viewing oneself both intrapersonally and in relation to others. Shame leads to hiding, which leads to secrecy. And secrecy fuels addiction. Confronting shame leads to openness, no more hiding, and destroys the power of addiction. Adam M. Moore, PhD, LMFT.

At a 2003 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, two-thirds of the 350 divorce lawyers noted that the Internet was playing an increasing role in marital splits, with excessive online porn watching contributing to more than half of the divorces. According to Richard Barry, president of the association, “Pornography had an almost nonexistent role in divorce just seven or eight years ago.” Now that statistic is up to 85% of marriages ending due to the contributing factors of porn. 

  • Inability to form necessary social and intimate relationships
  • Disintegration of pre-existing primary and secondary relationships
  • Loss of time and focus on family life and other enjoyable activities
  • Physical injury caused by compulsive masturbation
  • Intense feelings of depression, shame, isolation, and loneliness
  • Porn use combined with drug and/or alcohol abuse
  • Job, career, or educational losses
  • Legal and/or financial trouble

By Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S, Sex & Intimacy in the digital age.

Frontal lobes of brain shrink when person is sexually addicted. This is verified by four separate scientific studies published in four separate scientific journals. Robert Hilton, Neurosurgeon.

Sound scientific evidence demonstrates that, in an attempt to satiate their desires, most porn consumers move from soft-core porn to harder and more deviant material. Yet, they never are satisfied and will seek out great volumes of harder and harder material. Patrick Trueman, Morality in Media, April, 30, 2012.

According to the Center for Research on Marriage and Religion, pornography is a “quiet family killer”, possibly contributing to adultery and playing a role in 56 percent of divorces

Another significant risk factor is age of first exposure to pornography. Studies repeatedly show that children exposed to pornography, especially hardcore pornography, at younger ages are far more likely to eventually become sexually compulsive. Thus, parents should probably be less worried about a 16-year-old male child who is occasionally viewing porn on his computer for masturbation/stimulation than about his 12-year-old brother, to whom he shows the images (either intentionally or inadvertently).

When adolescents engage in sexual behavior compulsively and additively, their social, emotional and psychological growth can become stunted. These individuals will likely miss important growth milestones of adolescence and as a result later struggle with dating, developing relationships, and intimacy. And, of course, adolescent sex addicts also suffer many of the same consequences as adult sex addicts, such as:

• Social isolation, loneliness

• Depression

• Anxiety

• Relationship problems with girlfriends/boyfriends (as well as parents, teachers, and other adults)

• Hours, sometimes days, lost to sexual fantasy, porn use, masturbation, and other sexual behaviors

• Physical harm to genitalia (caused by excessive masturbation)

• Drug and/or alcohol use/abuse/addiction in conjunction with sexual acting out

• Sexually transmitted diseases

Reference for above: Teenagers, Porn and Sexual Addiction: What’s the Problem? ByRobert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S.

Those who frequent porn sites more often are more likely to view sex as a purely physical function and to view women as sex objects. They’re also more likely to hold such views if they perceive the material as more realistic, research finds.

In one study surveying 471 Dutch teens ages 13 to 18, the researchers found that the more often young people sought out online porn, the more likely they were to have a “recreational” attitude toward sex–specifically, to view sex as a purely physical function like eating or drinking.

In the study, reported in the December 2006 Journal of Communication (Vol. 56, No. 4, pages 639-660), the team also found a relationship between porn use and the feeling that it wasn’t necessary to have affection for people to have sex with them. Boys were much more likely to hold these views than girls, and they tended to hold these attitudes more strongly when they perceived the material as realistic, the team found.

In a related study in the March issue of Sex Roles (Vol. 56, No. 5/6, pages 381-395), the Dutch team found a link between the type and explicitness of sexual media the teens saw and their tendency to view women as sexual “play things.” The more explicit the material viewed, the more likely young people were to see women in these ways–and Internet movie porn was the only media type to show a statistically significant relationship, they found.

“We don’t really know, but we suspect that exposure to, say, 10, 20, 30,000 pages of pornography may bias a young person in terms of what they consider a normal relationship,” says DiClemente, who says it will be up to policymakers and parents to decide what to do if that turns out to be the case. Tori DeAngelis, Web Pornography’s Effect on Children, The Monitor, November 2007, Vol 38, No. 10. Tori DeAngelis is a writer in Syracuse, N.Y.

Great video of Mary Anne Layden, PhD on negative consequences of porn:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SszGPZYIBo4

Geoff Steurer, LMFT discusses how pornography highjacks marriage. He indicates that pornography desensitizes men to women’s pain, and the dilemma that creates in marriage.

“Some of the clients I’ve worked with who are addicted to porn have experienced really significant consequences as a result. Fifty per cent have lost a relationship because of it, 20% have suffered from mental health issues, 25% have sexual dysfunctions but critically about 20% have experienced a serious desire to want to commit suicide.”

“There is more and more research suggesting porn is having a direct impact on the brain. Particularly on the adolescent brain,” she says. “We know our brains thrive on novelty. What pornography is doing is giving us super normal stimuli, it’s exaggerating what is a natural and instinctive desire to seek out attractive natural partners, but it is exaggerating that – the brain is becoming more wired towards those pornographic images than it is towards partnered sex.” Paula Hall, Psychologist, quote by Paul Mason,  http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-23700395, August 15, 2013

In evidence to the United States Congress in 2008, psychiatrist Jeffrey Satinover said that “Modern science allows us to understand that the underlying nature of an addiction to pornography is chemically nearly identical to a heroin addiction: only the delivery system is different.”

 

Positive Consequences:

February 15, 2015

“We know from federal data those with best sex lives are married, monogamous, weekly worshiping couples.” (Pat Fagan, www.wnd.com/2015/02/hollywood-serves-up-torture-porn-for-valentines-day/#xhS2VOm0pbWlcJMe.99

September 19, 2016

From nofap team (nofap group on reddit). Summary of benefits stated by their members:

  • Reversing porn-induced erectile dysfunctions such as erectile dysfunction, inability to orgasm during partnered sex, and regaining sensitivity;
  • Increasing natural interest in sex;
  • Regaining organic human sexuality;
  • Reaching potential without being repressed by an addiction to porn;
  • Increased self discipline and more motivation to get up in the morning and work towards long term goals;
  • Enjoying the little things in life;
  • Increasing social intelligence, social confidence, and social skills; and
  • Experiencing a real connection with another person.

Here is the truth. You will never know all of the benefits that are in store for you until you give it a real shot.

 

January 15, 2015

Anonymous testimony of some who have stopped viewing pornography:
“My writing has gotten much better…. word choice, sentence structure, etc. During my first year of graduate school (which I just finished), writing was a real chore. Now, after no-porn, it’s a pleasure. So easy and free. I have more words at my disposal, probably because my memory has improved in general.”

“I feel much more in control and calm now…My ability to concentrate and think logically has skyrocketed without the fog.”

“My concentration, my effort, my attention to detail, my memory, my recall, and my social skills have all improved.”

December 6, 2014

“1. You will be able to have great sex again.

All of that negative baggage surrounding sex: problems with getting and sustaining erections; performance anxiety; unrealistic expectations — all of that stuff gets better when you give up using porn.

…you will be able to have great, fulfilling, passionate sex again – without the penis pills and anxiety.  For me, getting my sex life back was the number one reason I quit, and it is the number one reason I STAY quit.

Here is one guy’s experience of re-experiencing sex:

“I never thought I had ED…I managed to have sex with my wife. Boy, was I wrong! Since my recovery, my erections are way bigger, fuller and longer and the head is flared. …I just shrug and laugh each morning, now that I realize I really had ED and was too caught in my addiction to realize it. Keep in mind I am 50, though in pretty good shape for my age and clean living. I believe you will find the sensitivity of your penis improves all on its own. …Now, after 68 days of no masturbation to porn my erections are like in my teens!”

2.  Increased energy and drive.

Many of the great achievements of man have been created by transforming what we might call “sexual frustration” into focused creative energy.  And what a powerful force it is!

Napoleon Hill calls this process “sexual transmutation” in his classic book about high achievers, Think and Grow Rich (which is highly recommended by the way).

Here’s a great quote from his book:

When harnessed, and redirected along other lines, [the sex drive] maintains all of its attributes of keenness of imagination, courage, etc., which may be used as powerful creative forces in literature, art, or in any other profession or calling, including, of course, the accumulation of riches.

3. You have more time to do awesome things with your life.      

Many guys find that after they quit porn, huge blocks of time open up in their life.  And as boredom is a common catalyst for relapse, it’s important to fill up your calendar with things to keep you busy.

…They use that abundance of free time to improve themselves, join classes, get ripped at the gym, learn how to talk to girls, start a new sport…

4. Decrease in social anxiety, increased confidence and self-esteem.

Many guys report lower social anxiety and a general increase in confidence in social situations.  Personally, I feel MUCH more confident talking to people I don’t know and even in public speaking situations than before.

In the forums, there are many reports that echo this guy’s experience:

“Once again, very relaxed and calm today – no anxiousness etc. of any sort. Everything is just water off a ducks back so to speak. It really is a powerful side effect of no PMO and one I am quite taken with. When I say calm and relaxed, I am not talking about the brain foggy, semi conscious type of calm that you can get from binging! With this calm and ease I am totally and utterly present. It‘s a huge difference. “

5. You’ll be more social.

All that free time and energy you have?  It has to go somewhere.  Many guys find that their social calendars fill up as they start paying more attention to their friends and saying “yes” to social invites that they used to ignore.

(Also note that a feeling of isolation is what often leads to porn addiction in the first place — so, make the effort to get out and meet people! ) 

6. Increased focus and concentration. 

Many men report increased ability to concentrate after abstaining from porn for some time.  For me personally, it was like a fog was lifted from my brain and I was able to think much clearer. I even noticed that my memory improved over the course of my reboot, to the point where friends commented on it.

Here’s one forum posters’ experience:

Anyone else notice increased concentration? I’ve always had issues focusing. In college I didn’t do well unless I was on adderall. I was unable to finish a book unless it was extremely interesting. My mind would just bombard me with a million ideas or urges making it difficult to study or read. Anytime I’m on nofap my concentration skyrockets. I just finished a book yesterday that I have been meaning to read for the past 6 months. I’ve also had better luck applying for jobs and working on projects.”

7. You’ll be naturally horny.

Would it surprise you if I said that cutting out masturbating and porn will motivate you to meet real women? Really? You’re surprised?

In my experience, when I’m off porn, my libido level with my girlfriend is through the roof.  If I don’t see her for a week, the sexual energy when we finally do meet is explosive!  And I’ve noticed that I’m more sexually attracted to women in my day-to-day life (on the street, in yoga class, etc).

Also of note, some of the greatest “pick up artists” in the world (Mystery, for example) subscribe to a no-porn diet to boost their libido and motivation to go out and meet real women.  Coincidence?

(Note: during your reboot, before your natural sex drive returns, you’ll likely experience what is known as “flatlining”. You can read more about what to expect here).

8. You’ll connect with REAL women.    

Remember that feeling of self-loathing and emptiness you feel after using porn?  What you’re missing is a connection with a REAL woman.

From talking to many guys, it seems that it’s a deep sense of loneliness that turned them to porn in the first place. Learn how to make connections with real women and create loving relationships, and you’ll never go back to porn.

Here’s one guy’s experience:

“I now have a snuggle buddy. We just watch a movie together once in a while, while holding each other. It’s a good situation because there is no pressure. And I really have to say, real women are so much better than porn. It feels so great. I think it’s what I’ve been craving for most of my life.”

And another guy’s experience:

“There’s this cute-as-a-button girl who works at the place where I get lunch, and today…I flirted with her! Well, it may have been a cross between flirting and being folksy, but in any case, I haven’t acted like that toward a girl since SHORTLY AFTER I STARTED COLLEGE (about 5 years ago). It was unplanned and very natural. In time, I think I’ll return to being the smoothy I was in high school. And I can now conceive of myself having a girlfriend (whereas before, I couldn’t even imagine it). This is so much better than the introverted, masturbatory lifestyle I was leading.”

9. Increase in willpower. 

In her book The Willpower Instinct, Kelly McGonigal writes about how the amount of willpower we have at our disposal every day is a finite resource, but importantly that we can build up our “willpower muscles” by regularly exercising them. Rebooting gives us plenty of practice using and strengthening these muscles, as well as teaching us coping strategies for self-control.

Here’s a typical quote …about what the increase in will power helped him accomplish:

“…I was able to curb other addictive cravings like cigarettes, marijuana, sugary foods and overeating. I also had way more energy and found it easier to exercise.”

10. Sense of achievement.

There’s a sense of personal power and achievement that comes with overcoming a huge difficult personal obstacle like porn addiction (and in my case, porn-induced ED). It’s a kind of quiet knowledge that you can accomplish anything you want in other areas of your life. After my struggle with porn addiction and my successful recovery from porn-induced ED, I feel like I’m up for any challenge thrown my way. (http://rebootblueprint.com/10-powerful-benefits-of-quitting-porn/)

October 2, 2014

Addicted or not, when young men with porn-related ED quit using porn they generally experience a long period of low libido, non-responsive genitals and sometimes mild depression. Happily, thousands of ex-porn users have gradually resolved their sexual health problems (ED, delayed ejaculation, anorgasmia, loss of attraction to real partners and morphing porn-fetish tastes) simply by quitting. Their informal experiment suggests causality, even if further research would be needed to establish it. http://pornstudycritiques.com/the-emperor-has-no-clothes-a-fractured-fairytale-posing-as-a-review/

July 7, 2014

“Clarity of mind. A marked mental sharpness after a certain period of abstinence. This is a huge motivator for me, as my success in school directly depends on my ability to maintain focus.

 

Freedom from guilt and shame. These two states of mind have followed me every day for the greater part of my life. I have longed for a very long time to be able to look at people in the eye and know that there is no longer, just beneath the surface, the recollection of binging for hours on end the night before. I want to be able to look back on this time and smile. I can’t do that just yet, but that day is much closer than it used to be.

 

Confidence.  This almost goes without saying. One week into a streak and I am, without a doubt, more inclined to talk to strangers, to make eye contact, to raise a point or ask a question in class, to introduce myself to a girl, etc. As someone who has spent most of their life feeling shy, even inadequate, the confidence that I gain is invaluable.

 

Motivation. Similar to confidence, a boost in motivation is something that most of us have experienced…, more things get done, and I feel better about doing them. It’s wonderful.

 

Self-worth. This is closely related to being free of guilt and shame. As much as I try (and you should too) to not let my degree of success have a strong bearing on my sense of self-worth, it does. Long, sleepless nights and wasted afternoons of porn binging reliably make me feel like a ‘lousy’ person, and they always will. If I am to continue building my self-worth, I need to continue to avoid this.

 

Wholeness. Take this one however you will. I originally had this listed as “spiritual wholeness”, for lack of a better descriptive, but I tend to wince at the word, so I took it out. Leave it in if it applies ;). It’s a bit of an abstract thing to talk about, but generally I feel more whole as a person. I think other people can see this as well, which can open the invitation for healthy people into your life.

 

Affirmation that I can stick to something. I have a long history of not finishing things, which is something that I want to change about myself. I rarely finish video games, many of my books have bookmarks midway through, I generally stop exercising as soon as I start, etc. I need to stick this one out more than I do most things. Getting to 90 days (and beyond), will be a huge success for me, not just in conquering addiction, but also in staying committed to something.

 

Comfort with discomfort. This is one of those things that can carry over into other parts of our lives. Becoming comfortable enduring the uncomfortable can enable us to break our self-confining habits and start to meaningfully work on becoming the people we envision ourselves to be. As clichéd as that is around here, it’s true.

 

Exercising delayed gratification. This stems from the previous point, and it’s just as valuable. Whether or not you buy into the idea that we all suffer from hypofrontality, or some other form of neurochemical damage, I think exercising the ability to put off something that you desperately want so that you can achieve something more rewarding is beneficial in its own right.

 

Being an incredible (eventual) boyfriend. For me, looking at porn precludes feeling the full extent of love and adoration (and often respect) that’s possible towards my partner, and introduces a dissonance that increases with use. During this time, I have grown more than I have in any other period of my life. I believe I have something legitimately wonderful to offer the next person that I bring into my world. I want that person to be fortunate that they are with me, and I think this is now possible.

  

Emotional wealth. By whatever mechanism you subscribe to, excessive porn viewing and masturbation can dampen your (or at least my) ability to feel emotions to their fullest. I’ve found this to be true during every long streak. I had my first good cry in several years after about ten days into one of my early streaks. Since then, I’ve cried many times – while listening to music, reading a story, thinking about people in my life, even beautiful ideas can make me emotional. This wasn’t the case before recovery. For as long as I can remember, I have been melancholy and generally unaffected by the world around me. Certain things were powerful enough to cut through the haze I lived in, but mostly I floated. I was uncomfortably numb. The reversal of this has been one of the more profound changes I’ve seen and has been particularly rewarding.

 

Creativity. Emotional sensitivity has given rise to increasingly frequent bursts of creativity. Being moved by something you’ve created is truly rewarding, and incredibly reinforcing. I’ve written more music that I’m actually proud of in the last few months than I have in the previous four years since I started. I also find myself daydreaming about things far removed from the dramas in my life. This is a far cry from what has historically occupied my mind, which was generally an odd mixture self-criticism and imaginary situations in which I was exalted in some way. Increasingly freer from this, I now find myself inspired to think and to create again.

 

No more lost sleep to porn binges. This is a big one for me, as I go through periods when I have a hard time sleeping anyway. Waking up after four hours of sleep because you stayed up compulsively porning out always sucks a lot, especially if you have important things to do that day. I recently binged the night before a funeral after which I had to interact with family members I hadn’t seen in several years. I was horribly awkward and visibly worn out the entire time, and as a consequence, I was unable to really catch up with anyone, and probably left a less than positive impression. Getting enough sleep is one of the most important things you can do for yourself. Coupling sleep debt with reeling from a binge is horrifically uncomfortable and something that I don’t ever want to repeat.

 

Self-love. This, above all, is the most important reason that I have to continue. If we can keep in mind that we are doing this out of love for ourselves, then we can learn to forgive ourselves when we fail, we can justify the pain and discomfort, and we can begin to heal our scars. It both inspires and is born out of our perseverance. If you take away one thing from me today, I hope it’s this. (http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/6-months-my-reasons-continuing)

 

December 14, 2013

“I began to find normal, everyday girls to be more beautiful. “Minor flaws and blemishes that used to bug me were now endearing and sometimes even sexy.

“…“For me, yes, porn had a noticeable impact on my sex life, and I’m much better off not watching it.” Mark Manson

December 13, 2013

Men who have quit porn- that is for whom we have data – report a great sense of regaining psychological control, and heightened arousal with their wives or girlfriends. Mostly they are relieved not to be at the mercy of something that many of those who write to me feel they need – but don’t especially like.   Naomi Wolf, “How Porn is Destroying Modern Sex Lives,” Daily Mail, http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2522279/Porn-destroying-modern-sex-lives-says-feminist-writer-Naomi-Wolf.html

October 3, 2013

Reddit maintains a forum for those trying to quit viewing pornography and masturbating. They recently conducted a survey of their members with some eye-popping results:

58% of survey respondents are between 20 and 29 years old, 31% are teenagers and the rest are over 30. 75% are single

Here are the major improvements they noted from abstaining from porn and masturbation:

Improvement in their sexual dysfunction – 60%

More willing to talk to women – 55%

Gained a better knowledge of their strengths and weaknesses – 60%

Increase in energy levels and productivity – 67%

Sources available at http://www.projectknow.com/explore/taking-a-whack-at-porn-addiction

“My anxiety is nonexistent. My memory and focus are sharper than they’ve ever been. I feel like a huge ‘chick magnet,’ and my ED is gone too. I seriously think I had a rebirth, a second chance at life.” Former porn addict, The Great Porn Experiment.

I feel like the next Sir Isaac Newton or Leonardo da Vinci. Since I quit a month ago, I’ve literally started a business, taken up piano, been studying French every day, been programming, drawing, writing, started managing my finances, and have more awesome ideas than I know what to do with. My confidence is sky high. I already feel like I can talk to any girl. I’m the same guy who took 2 and one half years extra to graduate from college because of procrastination and depression.” Former Porn Addict,  The Great Porn Experiment.

Ability to connect to feelings will start to increase, which has as its outgrowth an increased ability to connect to spouse, God, and others because they are now feeling emotions of love and joy as well as sorrow and healthy guilt. Church leaders, spouses, friends, peers, and therapists can assist and in so doing empower the individual to increasingly apply these principles on their own. As individuals makes these changes, they will experience increased stability in their sense of self worth, have more fulfilling relationships with God and others, and begin to experience the joy and peace for which our emotions were designed. They will begin viewing life through a healthier lens, and their relationships will improve also. Thus, a period of reparation and healing occurs where the effects of the unhealthy belief system and cycle are overcome, relationships are mended, connection with God and others is strengthened, healthy sexuality is learned, and the individual is transformed. Pornography Use: Consequences and Cures by Paul James Birch.

I’ve suffered from anxiety and self-confidence issues for years. I had suspected part of it was due to PMO but always felt it was difficult to stop. Several years ago I quit for about 3 months and was happier than I had been all my life. I socialized with people, went on dates with women, and was more confident than ever. However … for whatever reason … out of boredom … or habit … I relapsed. I went down a spiral of depression and even contemplated suicide. Since then it has been a struggle … until now! I am on day 21 of being PMO free and I’m not looking back!

After I got past the 2 weeks stage I started to see diminished anxiety, more confidence, and even better vocal tonality. I feel like I am becoming normal again—like the person I am supposed to be. Women are noticing me again and I can genuinely have a conversation with them. I feel like I’m connecting with people in general better. I am even performing better athletically. I feel stronger, faster, and sharper. It is as though the fog has been lifted! I’m 29-years-old and now I feel like I have the energy that I had in my teens. My goal is to be PMO free for the rest of my life. The momentum I feel is stronger than the cheap thrill that PMO brings. I look forward to living and not hiding anymore. Taking back control is the most liberating thing I’ve felt in a long time.

30 Reasons to Stay Sober by Alex Wolf

1. My hopes of having a wife and a child will come true if I walk away.

2. I will be able to hold down and maintain a job if I walk away.

3. Remember the pain and hurt I caused my family and myself?

4. I am a good person and do not need to prove it by using.

5. I will live a more independent and worthwhile life if I walk away.

6. I will be a positive role model for my children if I walk away.

7. I want and deserve a good future for myself.

8. I am a worthwhile and productive person.

9. I will regain my self-respect and dignity if I walk away.

10. I don’t want to end up like my father.

11. I will be able to feel better about myself if I walk away.

12. My Family will be proud of me if I walk away.

13. If I continue to use I will die.

14. I will be proud of myself if I walk away.

15. If I walk away my physical health will improve.

16. I will reduce my chances of going to jail if I walk away.

17. My hopes and dreams for future will come true if I walk away.

18. I will be a positive role model for my friends if I walk away.

19. I will be able to get in touch with my true feelings if I walk away.

20. I will live a calmer and more peaceful life if I walk away.

21. I will be able to spend my time on healthy alternatives if I walk away.

22. Remember the high risk situations I faced while perusing my addiction?

23. I will be able to open my own business if I walk away.

24. If I continue to use I will lose everything.

25. I will be a positive role model for my family if I walk away.

26. Remember the stupid things I did to get my high?

27. Remember the look at my girlfriend’s face when she found out about my addiction?

28. I will be stronger and more in control if I walk away.

29. I accept full responsibility for everything that takes place in my life.

30. My mission in life is to be a good man, to love my family, and to carry out God’s will for me to the best of my ability.

6 Things That Get Better After Quitting Porn

You don’t have to be a slave to porn. Below (from one of our amazing clients) is a list of 6 things in your life that get better after you quit porn. You can do it too.

1. You suddenly have more time in your day.

What do you want to accomplish in your life? Do you want to learn another language? Finish reading the Harry Potter books? Learn to cook? Build a birdhouse? Do you want to become a professional basketball player? Make some extra money? Visit France? Shake hands with Obama? Earn a promotion? Get a girlfriend? Start a band? Lose weight?

Well, guess what! Giving up porn can give you back the time that you’ve been missing. When I was using, I would find myself watching porn for hours at a time. Add it all up over a week and I had a part-time job watching porn. The only thing it paid me was shame and regret. Things were always getting done at last minute, I was often late for work or meeting with friends, and my apartment was always a mess.

Take porn out of the equation and suddenly I had a huge chunk of time that I could put toward all those things I wanted to accomplish. The laundry, dishes, and vacuuming all got done in a day. I was able to concentrate on improving myself instead of hurting myself. My homework and assignments were all getting handed-in on time. And just recently, I ended up with a 90% average in school. I also won a small scholarship for having the highest grades in my program. I added more to my writing and multimedia portfolio than I thought possible.

The best part is, all the new skills, goals and accomplishments suddenly become your focus throughout your day instead of videos of naked people. You have to hide your porn use, but your new job/skills/car/girlfriend/etc.—Those are all things you get to be proud of.

Which brings me to #2…

2. You start to like yourself. (So do other people.)

Human beings generate happiness from accomplishment‑—even if just small accomplishments. Instead of letting that mess in your room accumulate, clean it up and you can smile and say: It’s so much nicer in here. Oh hey! That’s where my cat was hiding. From there, you can carry that effort into other things that make you happy.

Another important side effect from that is, other people will like you for it.

Once you give up your porn addiction, you suddenly become the type of person employers want to hire, the type of friend people want to have, and the type of guy that girls want to date. It’s only natural.

Productive members of society just get more respect and admiration from people because they’re just more fun to be around. You learn that you didn’t need to win a gold medal, have lots of money, or be a movie star for people to like you. You just had to accomplish a few small things to become the person that people wanted to be around. An effort at anything is usually enough to make you feel that much better aboutt yourself.

3. Sex starts to feel real again.

As Gary Wilson of yourbrainonporn.com says: “Sex is not the same thing as porn.” It’s the same way that playing Call of Duty on Xbox isn’t the same thing as going to war in Afghanistan.

When I was using, I would look forward to porn, but I would dread sex. Sex with my girlfriend felt like a chore. It wasn’t her fault. I would avoid sex because I had trained my brain to look for porn for arousal. So, when it came time to satisfy my girlfriend, it just emphasized the distance I had created between us.

It didn’t happen right away, but after a short time, I started to desire her touch again. I didn’t have to distance myself from intimacy or passion. Porn doesn’t have those things. Porn lets you dismiss it when you notice a small imperfection and move on to the next video. It creates a desire for an unrealistic sex life that would never, ever satisfy anyone. It is also something that I’d project onto myself. I’d think I’d have to be built, or hung to be desired in such a way.

Leaving it all behind made me start to notice my girlfriend again and love her for who she was. It made me stop objectifying other girls as well.

Have you noticed that girls don’t want to spend time around you? I sure did. They were put off by my crudeness and I don’t blame them.

4. You finally get to stop lying.

Living with a porn addiction was like having a double life. I constantly worried about being caught again by my girlfriend. I’d obsess about checking to make sure my history was erased and that my cookies were deleted. No matter how many times I would check, I still felt paranoid that I might have left a bread crumb somewhere… and there would go my relationship. My girlfriend would confront me on things I couldn’t explain. She’d always expect something and I’d get mad at her for not trusting me, which was completely stupid because I wasn’t trustworthy.

When you live a lie for long enough, you start to convince yourself of it as well and the more lies you tell, you can’t bring yourself to tell the truth about anything. To overcome this, I had to come clean about my addiction and deceptions to my girlfriend.

It was incredibly painful, but after six months, I can definitely say that it was worth it. I started to tell the truth knowing that my girlfriend could have left me for it, but it turned out that all she ever really wanted was honesty.

Once I gave up porn, I didn’t have to hide anymore. If I made a mistake, I could admit to it. I didn’t have to pretend to be perfect. So, now when my girlfriend asks me what I did today, I can tell her the unedited version of what I really did. I no longer have to worry about hurting her, ever again.

5. You understand what it means to be in control.

Once I dropped the porn from my daily routine, my brain still wanted the dopamine it was used to. I understand that it is incredibly easy to fall back into the same habit with a whole new fix. But when you apply what you learned from your addiction to other aspects of your life, it helps you make the best choices.

If there is one thing I’ve learned from this journey, it’s this: You’re an adult now and if you make bad choices, no one is going to stop you. When you’re a kid, your parents limited the time you’d spend watching TV, they’d make you eat your vegetable before dessert, you had to clean your bedroom if you wanted your allowance.

Porn is certainly an example of this. There is a chance that no one will know you’re addicted to it. The only one who can stand in your way is you. I learned to think of all the consequences. I learned to ask myself, do I need this much of this? Is this the best decision? How will this affect me tomorrow? I’m not saying that I obsess over it, but it’s up to me to be my own best friend. That’s what an adult does.

6. Things seem possible again.

When I was using porn. It was my crutch. Had a bad day = porn. Fight with a girlfriend = porn. Bored = porn.

Things just seemed too damn hard when I was on it. I’ve used the example of my messy apartment a few times, so here it is again. It’s hard to image what was really stopping me from just getting up and doing the dishes each day. Now it’s no surprise.

Add up all the previous points on this list and there was a guy who:

  1. Didn’t do anything with himself
  2. People didn’t want to be around him
  3. Was afraid of intimacy
  4. Was living a lie
  5. Had no self-control.

It’s no wonder life felt so difficult each day. I wanted an excuse to watch porn so I’d look for reasons to feel tired, stressed and overwhelmed.

Once I gave up porn, after a while, I gained the perspective that life really isn’t that bad. Yes, bad things do happen. Things can be tough, but when I’m looking for a crutch every time things don’t go my way, then I see how I’m missing out on the good things.

I’ve been without porn for six months and I now:

  1. Work hard at my job and school and have acquired many more useful skills that I’m proud of
  2. I’m the type of person people want to have around
  3. I love intimacy and sex with my girlfriend again
  4. I’m up front and honest
  5. I do my best to control myself and make the right decisions

All of these are things I wanted to accomplish, all things I wanted to become. I know I can do them. I don’t have to feel held up by anything because life doesn’t feel so heavy anymore. Life feels like it is worth living.

I truly believe that life will only continue to get better from here and it can be the same way for you. If you find yourself exhausted and overwhelmed as you just begin to quit your addiction, then know that this is what you have to look forward to.

Recognize that there will be slip ups, problems, and road blocks along the way, but you’re trading a bunch of pixels of naked people on a computer monitor for a real life with happiness, success and freedom. Never forget that. (Compulsionsolutions.com, Feb. 19, 2013)

 

 

2 Comments

  1. Pingback: The consequences of pornography addiction -

  2. paydayloansonlinesnd.com

    ON May 10th, 2017

    I liked the different Approach to the over-arching sex or lust addiction this book takes as compared to 12-step programs. Definitely a good alternative for someone who can’t get to a meeting, but requires the motivation to change

    Reply

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